Real Mommy Moments

REALITY...Easter our house 2012 four generations of which includes OUR CHILDREN!...Grandma, Dad, Carolyn, Jordin 4yrs, Jayda 1yrs

I've always been one to, as they say, tell it like it is... however have added a filter to my thoughts over my 38 years with the help of many honest friends and the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

SO... here it is... 6 and a half months of motherhood and have finally got the courage to vocalize the fact that not everyday do I want to be mommy. I know that sounds horrible... does it mean I love my children any less??? Absolutely NOT, I have a love for them beyond what I knew my heart could ever love.

Over these past 6 months I have noticed some things that have led me to beleive God may be leading us to do homeschool however not in this season. It was a hard reality for me to admit to myself and those around me that now is not the time for me to take on another huge task such as homeschooling. I am not ready physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I am just now getting used to the mommy role and would require more time to prepare research and plan for something so important.
On Jordin's last parent teacher conference this past week it was confirmed in my heart that the school classroom consistancy and structure is what is best for her right now. The school enviroment has more to offer her than I can at this time and so what is best for her right now is to go to public school. I was at much peace with my decision on that Friday morning.
God's grace is so amazing... today I walked into the school to pick up the enrollment packet for Kindergarten and there stood Carolyn Johnston! Not myself of corse... but Carolyn Johnston a new freind and neighbor. If you don't know the story about how we met I will break it down for you.
As Bill and I have been praying for God to lead and direct us to a new church home or place to rest while we find our new church home He led us to Calvary Baptist of Independence where the first person we met was... yep you guessed it... Carolyn Johnston!!! Its really funny because at our former church home there was also another Carolyn Johnston... God is really showing us his humorous side!!!
Saying all of that to say that I have no doubt that for this season of life I am at peace sending Jordin to school, perhaps later down the road homeschool will be in our lives but for now the call is public school... I plan to pop in any time I want and be one of those room mom's.... you know the ones who are there for all the special events bringing cup cakes and snacks!!! Oh yes... that will be me!

Spring and summertime weather has brought about many old memories and dreams I had burried in preparing my heart and life to remain barren.
When I thought or dreampt of being a mom it was always a summer time fantasy of watching from a kitchen window while our children play in the yard and images of working in the yard with them and lots of outdoor activities as that is what my childhood was full of. I imagined myself waiting on the front porch and preparing meals for my family as my children would be coming home from school. Those were some of my best memories as a small child and now... those imaginations and dreams are REAL... and we are living them every day... and sometimes I just think WOW... this is our new REALITY!

6 Months 2 Weeks As Mommy & Daddy

So much has gone on since my last post I don't even know where to start... our house has been re-arranged and some re-modeling gone on and the two things that keep coming to mind when I see the piles of what looks like clutter in our garage... almost to the ceiling now... is that's what I feel like inside most days... so many different things/emotions thoughts feelings raging like a storm with brief moments of calmness but much fun mixed in with love, laughs and some tears. The other thought is that as we continue to adjust to our new normal and see everything in and around our lives changing from our home to our church home, my job, daily routines, thoughts, actions & conversations are all new even some relationships, some more distant that were once close and others new that we didn't have before... God is radically stripping us of everything we were secure and comfortable in and truly giving us a NEW life as we walk through our 20th yr of marriage... it is just as if we have started a new life and it's very different from the past 20 years in a good way.
As we try to get a glimpse of what the future looks like we are brought back to the present and God says let's just take one day at a time, enjoy the journey and rest in Me.
Then I remember God called us to our new INCREDIBLE life and He never said we had to speed through it... He gave us our life in Christ and that we might have it more abundantly, we are on this path because of Christ in us so we just need to take it easy, breathe deep, exhale and put our eyes on the One who brought us here...

This climate season has brought new behaviours and sleep patterns for the girls so I begin the study process again. The first 3-4 months they were here I found that I spent every minute studying and evaluating their behaviors trying to figure out what the do what they like what was normal for them and what meant they were tired or getting sick, how they react and responded to temperatures in and out doors. As the weather takes on change so do the girls and so the study process begins again and more change comes... I want to know them so well because I want to know what is normal behavior for children their age and I want to know what are effects from their life before we knew them...

As Jayda follows me around EVERYWHERE I go God brings this verse to my heart and mind a lot of days when I turn around and there she is at my feet working on her jacket zipper or toys:

Joh_14:3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
And... only now as I look up what this whole verse says I remember, this is a verse God spoke to me in Peru the same day the call to Adoption became clear.
Some days I get so frustrated with her under my feet and right behind me every time I turn around even helps me go potty. She gets my T P paper for me and loves to flush the stool... and I have to laugh because it's so cute... now realizing this is the Word God has been reminding me of... I am humbled once again how God speaks to me when I actually take time to be still and meditate on what He is trying to say to me...
Thank You Lord for this moment in time You remind me that where You are I am also and that is how you want me to be at YOUR feet EVERY minute of EVERY day... it's totally worth missing some sleep and taking a LATE shower! I know I will rest when I lay down tonight... I love You Lord, thank You for our children.

Learning Lessons

I don't even know how to begin this post so I'm just gonna lay it out here!

Last weekend we participated in the first official concert for a new amazingly awesome contemporary Christian band; "therest"
My husband and two other men entered into a production business together as God has opened HUGE doors for these men and so produced, along with the help of many other people, "therest's" first album The Beautiful Gate, which is INCREDIBLE! Their passion for Jesus shines through the music and their relationships with each other, by this we know they are Christ's disciple's.

We've been so excited about the album release and it's been a balancing act continuing to adjust to being Mommy & Daddy as the seasons change in nature and in life. I may have for a second forgot that every day is a mission, or perhaps just gotten comfortable and a bit over confident in my new mommy abilities...
I should have prepared for this day like a mission trip... I didn't... I wore myself out before we even loaded into the van to head out for our 45 min drive to Richmond. Thus... forgetting to feed my children dinner BUT did pack lost of drinks and snacks! One point Mommy!
Charged my phone but forgot that, which I sort of needed the GPS to get the girls and I home as we would be leaving early to get the little ones home and tucked in. Daddy would be staying behind to tend to his pastoral duties with the bands and guests.
Bill graciously gave me his phone to use the GPS and I thought... I don't need to, I can remember what he said 4 hours ago about how to get back home...
We ended up taking an hour and a half to get home instead of 45 min... and almost ran out of gas because I took several wrong turns... those who know me... KNOW that I am geographically challenged!!!

Finally, wilted mommy made it home with our empty gas tank & sleeping babies, fully clothed because I didn't pack Pj's... : /

Lessons learned:

• Mistakes don't make me a failure... I must learn from them and do better next time
• AGAIN... EVERY DAY IS A MISSION- always prepare for the WHOLE day and reserve energy to care for my children
• Prepare mentally and physically the day or days before the trip- Pack ahead of time
• USE THE GPS!!!
• PACK Pj's
• Feed the kids a meal before departure!

Growing Faith

Psalm_143:1  A Psalm of David. Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness

God still amazes me!
On Wednesday of this week the girls and I were busy about; getting ready to head to Jordin's dentist appointment when I got a call from my mom. This was not unusual, she calls me often to see how were doing over here.
She was strangely calm as she asked me if I knew anything about Grandview. I know that it's between here in Independence and Harrisonville, and that it has a reputation of being a rough area.
My mom then tells me that Billy, my step dad who is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's, had taken their car to Grandview to have some work done and he is now LOST in Grandview!!!!
I felt so horrible that I couldn't help her very much with this situation. She gave him directions how to get to a familiar route... so off to the dentist we went!
I thought for sure he will find his way home and everything will be OK. I told mom to call me when they get him home. Surely he would be home by the time we left the dentist... right???
I say a prayer as were driving to the dentist.
In and out we go for the cleaning and check up, which by the way was SUPER good!!! Great job brave girl...no crying or anything... she got candy and movies all afternoon!

When we got into the car I called mom to see how things were going... not good... this was two hours later and they had found him via his phone and told him to stay put until they got to him but by the time they got there, he was gone and lost AGAIN...
Finally mom filed a police report for help.
I got off the phone and was sending out a mass text to some prayer buddies, there was Jordin waiting to ask if she could have a snack... so I got her snack and told her that Grandpa was still lost and we need to pray for God to help Grandpa find his way home.
I handed her snack to her and I walked by her just a second later and she was on her knees next to our couch praying out loud for her snack & Grandpa... My heart just melted right then!
Not even 5 minutes later the phone rang and it was mom, the police found him and were holding him at a McDonald's... Jordin's favorite place to eat... (God is funny)
Off Mom went to get him!

I told Jordin the GREAT news and how her prayers helped them find Grandpa and that he was going to be safe!
She was SO happy, screaming YAY, YAY, YAY while jumping up and down! 
I just had to document this so we can share it with her over and over, that her FAITH might grow continually!
What an awesome day to be her Mommy!

5 Months

October 2011 First Family Photo

Wow... 5 months ago today two precious girls took up permanent residence in our home and turned our lives completely upside down!!! I still can't get over the reality that I AM A MOMMY... even though my little Shadow follows me around every day all day saying "MOMMA...MOMMA... MOMMYYYYYY...MOMMYYYY" and Jordin jumps off that bus every day so excited to see me and even tells me at random times "Mommy I love u" and at other times "Mommy, I'm glad I'm your kid"
I used to always pray that if and when we did adopt that the child we adopted would just want a mom and dad to love them, I think God again has answered a long, long ago forgotten prayer of mine... She is so happy that we're her mom and dad and I love that!

Now that our spring weather is on us and I can let the girls play outside on the deck while I cook dinner I look out the window as the warm breeze blows in and I hear the laughter of our girls and remember so many times dreaming of this day, hoping and praying to be a mommy and now it's here... it's REALLY REALLY here.... IT'S REAL!!!! The girls run up and down the hall chasing each other, screaming and laughing and again I take a deep breath and say inside myself "I'm a mommy"
It reminds me of when we first moved into our house in 1998, and still when I pull in our drive way I thank God for our home and I love it so much and often say to myself, this is our house.
I hope I never get over our girls and being MOMMY...
Thank you Lord for spilling over my heart with this love and our home with this laughter.

Why Freedom?

Different you say… yes, it is different and I don’t think I have ever heard anyone name their child Freedom before, well maybe in a movie once but not in real life.

How did we come up with this you say???

It wasn’t without some resistance! You see, Jayda’s birthday is July 4^th also known as INDEPENDENCE DAY the day we celebrate our FREEDOM in the United States of America.

As Bill and I talked about names to go with Jayda we went through many including names we had picked out if we ever had children previously. I was stuck on FREEDOM and Bill didn’t like it AT ALL…!

So it came down to drawing straws… we could NOT agree on one name!!! SOOOO… I began praying and Bill went to a far far away land... Brazil for a mission trip. Low and behold… while he was in Brazil God spoke to him MANY times about Liberty and the subject of FREEDOM came up over and over and OVER.

It came to pass about two days after he had been gone I received an e-mail informing me that Jayda’s middle name WILL be FREEDOM…will explain later…

OH boy was I excited!!!! I knew it… I just KNEW IT!

Not to mention our FREEDOM as a country, our spiritual freedom we receive when God adopts us into His family! Jayda is going to need this middle name and I believe it was God’s design for her be born on Independence Day… she will one day be FREE and gain her Independence in every way!

Almost every night I sing this lullaby to her in hopes she will someday understand how much God loves her:

"Lullaby and goodnight sweet baby Jayda

Mommy loves you, Daddy too, and God SOOOO loves you

So lullaby and goodnight sweet baby Jayda.

Night Night"

John_8:36
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Why Faith?

Faith…
How did we choose this as a middle name for our oldest daughter Jordin?
It was a long, long time ago in a far away land called Peru where God planted a seed... a mustard seed in my heart and asked me to walk by FAITH to find our children to adopt
& make them part of our forever family!

 The moment I said YES God, I will follow... my head began spinning & as all or most women do, I thought of names....& I made a proclamation at that moment in time that our child's name would contain FAITH in it to memorialize the first & many steps of faith it has taken us to find our daughters.
I often tell Jordin the story of why her middle name is FAITH & that we found her by following & obeying God's direction & instructions, believing what we could not see until we found you two!
If we would have disobeyed ...we may have never found her & her sissy.

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.