We met with the Adoption worker in late November and she said we MIGHT be able to finalize the adoption as early as JANUARY! We are praying for that to happen so we can get middle and last names changed and have a BIG HONKIN party!
Ok so the reality of this major life change... I can't really publish in words some of the things Bill and I have both experienced, the depth and intimacy of emotions and the highs and lows of this are so personal and just can't be shared completely because some things are just meant to be kept between us and the Lord. It is hard for me not to share it all because that's just my personality... lay it all out there, but this isn't just about me, I have two little girls to think about now and some day... they will see this.
Bill and I have really come face to face with our true selves...many times... and came to surrender our lives yet again. I can't say with out a little wrestling. The awesome part of the physical and emotional struggles we have faced these last 13 weeks is this has given us both a deeper appreciation for what our Lord Jesus Christ must have felt and experienced as He was the payment for our Adoption into God's family.
My biggest revelation so far I think is that not always is the price of adoption of a financial cost. When we started down this path of adoption through the Foster Care system we did not know it but the state pays for the majority of all costs as well as pays us (a small amount) to take in these children. The price that we are paying is physical and emotional. In my past I had always had a huge negative outlook on the financial cost of adoption, which I still think is outrageous and ridiculous BUT as I have stated since 2010, God paid the highest price for our Adoption and we can only look at this outrageous cost of adoption as a reflection or glimpse of what it cost God our heavenly Father to Adopt us.
We also know and realize the girls have had the same emotional and physical struggles in their little lives. I am not at all trying to make the focus on Bill and I but I want to remember that it wasn't always easy and for anyone going through this too... I think it is NORMAL to go through these emotions... even depression at moments. We have had to really help each other through these difficult times and talk many things out and keep the lines of communication open. It has been good therapy for all of us to go through these hard times.
For the first several weeks for me... this felt like baby sitting but never ended. I think after my first experience nursing Jo1 through her slight flu... which I hope and pray we never have again!!! Oh the smell.. I know... I know... she was the sick one... but oh the smell... I'm sure it will happen again but I can pray it doesn't!
Anyway I really feel like a mommy now! These are OUR girls and we LOVE LOVE LOVE them with everything that is in us!
I have tried not to think to much about the reason they are even with us, but the more I see the fear and insecurity in Jo1's poor lil face at times I start to get really angry with the birth mother. This poor girl has spent the last 17 months of her life getting shots at the dr every 3 months because she NEVER went to the dr for the first 3 yrs of her life. It makes me SO angry... like tonight we spent 45 minutes taking about taking off her band aids from her last shots on Friday... she cried and cried big huge tears rolling down her face... no no no it hurts mommy...
I never saw a child so terrified of removing a band aid in my life. It breaks my heart... I just sat there trying to help her see that it's just like a sticker. We finally got one off, and daddy had to come help with the other one.
The more I think about how she reacts when she gets her shots the more I get angry again at the birth mother... I try to explain to this 4 yr old that I know she has had to get multiple shots every time she has seen the dr but now that is over for a long time... no more shots until a whole year from now... not that she understands how long that is but trying to teach her not to be afraid of the dr.
I know I would be scared too of I was her but it's my job to make her feel safe and teach her that the dr is there to help us stay healthy and heal us when were sick.
I know the girls will probably not remember most of this part of their life but this will impact them for the rest of their life.
Ok enough of that...
Christmas was super fun! Of coarse we began the season out by putting up more decorations than we EVER have... and as we were getting the lights on the tree Jo1 tells me "I never had Christmas lights before Mommy"
That made me sad that one of the most exciting parts of mine and Bill's childhood was not yet part of her life. It was sweet on the other hand because I confirmed that with the foster mom and so really this year's Christmas was somewhat of a "First Family Christmas" for all of us...
I finally got brave enough to take both girls shopping all by myself!!! We actually had so much fun, I LOVE shopping with my girls!!!
We had 4 Christmas celebrations, the first was for the Johnston/Murphy side at Jami's house the Sunday before Christmas! The girls had so much fun just playing with all their new cousins! Cousin Charlie is the same age as Jo1 and I think she REALLY like him... hee hee hee... since the first time they met and he took her for a ride in his jeep and gave her some oranges she wants to go see him all the time... they are so cute together, they play together very well.
It was perfect, we had a great spaghetti and meatball dinner (their favorite food!) then some gift opening. I think they each got 3 or 4 gifts, that was perfect, simple and small!
We were all pooped after our first Christmas celebration... Mommy and Daddy were really beginning to push some physical limits. Not complaining but the reality is Bill is over 40 and I am pushing 40, it has been quite the adjustment going from no kids for 19 yrs to these two balls of energy and super excited for the holidays! They LOVE to socialize!
So 1 down and 3 more to go... we did get Christmas cards made... however, they are still sitting on the table... lol... oh yes... they will be going out!
Disappointment... the Martin/Byrd/Johnston celebration on Christmas Eve... Daddy was violently sick and didn't go along with us. I was so disappointed. I know he couldn't help he was sick, BUT IT WAS A FIRST... and there have been a lot of things I have done with the girls by myself and I just wanted share with Bill and enjoy watching them and shooting pics and video. I had this expectation of us doing all of these things together and it didn't happen.
So we went without Daddy and we still had fun and enjoyed the celebration!
Next was Christmas morning at our house : )
We were awake before the girls... waiting... waiting... waiting... for them to WAKE UP!
Finally 9:00 they were awake...
Two little girls were spoiled...spoiled...spoiled with WAY too many presents! We wanted them to get lots though for their first Christmas. We haven't really got them anything since they moved in outside of necessities because we knew this was going to be coming up soon so it was really fun to see them get some fun toys. It only took me 4 hours to put together the Barbie Castle! It's pretty cool and she even let's me play with it some times!
Baby J got this really awesome kitchen... when you set the pan on the burner it sounds like boiling water and the skillet sounds like something is frying, it's so cool! Where was that when I was a kid... ha ha ha!
All season we made sure that Jesus and giving to others was our main focus but we sure had fun with the Santa Claus tradition too!
All the decorations were in preparation to celebrate Jesus birthday and we even made him a PINK cake with PINK icing because big J said... He likes that! Oh and sprinkles too! I love her!
Gonzales/Carpenter/Johnston... Christmas evening... Daddy was still battling his sickness but he was well enough to come along so Mommy was happy!
And again the girls were spoiled some more! Baby J got this dolly makes a kissing noise and says "I Love You" she really loves that dolly, she squeezes her and dances around and around with her! She is so dang cute!
Whew... we made it through... so for new years eve we all stayed home, watched a movie...
ELF... and it was the cutest thing... Big J got her Dora couch out and her and Baby J sat together with their bowls of popcorn and juice cups! They both LOVE the pop corn! Baby J did good until she ran out of pop corn in her bowl... she came over to mommy for a re-fill and sat back down with sissy then again was out of pop corn... thus began the up and down, up and down... she was getting sleepy too!
I thought she did good to make it half way through the movie!
Baby J is growing so fast, she's been getting at least 1-2 new teeth every month and is now getting 3 at once! She just turned 18 months and she thinks she's 4 yrs old! Wants to do everything sissy does but she won't stop putting toys in her mouth... I know it's mostly because she is getting new teeth but we had to come up with the new rule that Big J has to keep her door shut so Baby J can not get to her small toys and choke on them and OH MY GOODNESS... it's so sad... when Baby J wants to play in sissy's room with her and can't... she just cries... then mommy has to go play with Baby J in her room then she's happy again!
Baby J is also getting very clingy, doesn't want anyone to leave her... even cries when company leaves now. So sad but so cute too!
Both girls are still the same weight but getting taller and taller!
Big J tried becoming a bully for a few weeks but I think she now understands that we don't put our hands on other people, and we use our words to get what we want not violence! That was not the call I wanted to get from her pre-school teacher!
She is doing good though... she filled up her first sticker chart for listening and obeying the first time so we went shopping for her own outfit she picked out! She did so good, great taste and she likes the most expensive cloths too... just like mommy... lol!
We got our decorations all down and the house back to the new normal and mommy and daddy are feeling confident that we are all adjusting and getting used to each other and we all know the rules and are going to have a great 2012!
Now we just need to get this finalized so we can stop thinking about what we will do if we lose them.
We try not to think about that because we really do believe these are our girls but we also know anything can still happen so we want that fear behind us and them. I can't imagine what that would do to them if something crazy like that happened now.
Lord... move the mountain one more time! ...(and Momma wants to post their precious faces everywhere!!!)
5 comments:
First, I did not know Bill was over 40 and you almost 40. Neither of you look a day over 35. Next, I am praying that the mountain of unsurity about being able to keep the girls for permanent will be removed. They are your girls and that is how it should be. You have done so much for them already; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I loved reading your post. Please continue. I do see where both of their names must start with a J. That is way cool. J--Johnson's or Johnston--I can never remember. ~Sherri~
i love reading your updates :) i love you guys and your precious little girls. they are so very blessed to have you and Bill as parents.
We are still praying for you guys that this mountain be moved once and for all! looking forward to the next post...
love,
Gina
Praying for you friend! I will look forward to hearing GOOD NEWS about your court date this month. We are waiting on our court date too. I completely understand how you feel, but I know your wait must be 10 times harder than mine because you've already shared such special times with your girls. I love reading your posts about them. They are so blessed to have such caring, thoughtful, and Christ-like parents. What God brings together, He will not separate!!!
So heartwarming on this cold day!
I HAVE A LOT OF BIG HONKIN TOYS!!!
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