Random Thoughts of February 16th

God is CRAZY about me...
So crazy He scared and marked His ENTIRE BODY for me and for you! He did this so the WHOLE world could see Him say, "I love you this much!"
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
This scripture continues to speak so loudly to me!

I still can not fathom the Love of God for me...
I think of the heartache God had to experience when he sent Jesus to pay for our sin! This is what I think of as I try to imagine how it was for Him.
I see God sitting in Heaven, watching His creation, knowing that He can not be with us in our sinful state that we are in.
Here with me is my Son (Jesus). It is almost as if God wanted more children. I like to parallel it to a family that has one child and they see other children with no parents, orphans. These parents, their hearts break for those children knowing what they are missing out on because they do not know the love of a Father and Mother. This family wants so much to give these children what they don't have that they sacrifice certain financial comforts and this means the children they already have do with out some things that they might like to have so that these other children can know the Love of a Father and Mother.
God gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we could Know the Love of THE FATEHR!
John 3:16.
God,
What do you want me to sacrifice in my life so that more children (lost) will know of your Love for them and join us in your Kingdom?
Romans 8:15, Ephesians 1:13.

As I continue to ponder the scripture in Isaiah 54:1-3, I am remembering when I was sharing with Suzan at the air port a few seeks ago. Suzan had asked if Bill and I had ever considered adoption. I told her how we had pursued foster care and adoptions several years ago, every time we would start down a path God would close the door. I do still have a desire for adoption but Bill and I do not have the same heart toward that. Bill says he is too old to be starting a family. My perspective on the situation is that our hearts are not the same, we don't agree. I believe adoption is not God's plan for us during this season of our lives.
For some time I have been praying for God to change one of our hearts so they are the same on this issue of having a family. I was SURE that it would be Bill's heart God would change!
NOT... While I was sharing all of this with Suzan God was revealing to me that it was my heart He was working on! Not taking away the desire but expanding it...
I told Suzan that I thought God was changing my heart and I felt like He was asking us to be LIMITLESS in our lives. If we adopted one or two children, realistically, that would limit us in how many children we could touch and share the Love of God with.
I am not in any way putting God in a box... I am listening to His Voice...and for Bill and Carolyn; He is taking us on this journey to show us what he does want from our lives.

To some this probably all sounds crazy... Well I guess it is... But God is crazy about me... He gave up having one Son so He could have many son's!!!! Romans 8:16, I John 3:1-2
God is transforming me from the inside out and yes it is painful at times but listen when I say... I AM FULFILLED IN CHRIST! Yes sometimes it is hard but when I meditate on what it meant for God to SACRIFICE the way He did for me... I am honored to walk this path with my Heavenly Father. It is like He and I have something in common in our relationship! That makes me feel like I am special to Him!

I also look at it like this:
Policemen, Firemen, Doctors, Nurses, Service men and women are considered or looked at as "Hero's" because of the work they do.... SO, how is my commitment to God's calling on my life any different?

Yes, I am crazy,
Crazy about my Savior, My God
My Jesus!
AREN'T YOU CRAZY ABOUT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE...

A Differen't Valentines Day!

This Valentines Day I asked for this tattoo! I have been planning the theme of it for about two years now. This was definitely not a spur of the moment wild hair idea.

The verse inside the crown of thorns is Ephesians 1:13, the Crown of thorns represents the Seal described in this verse:
[13] In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,
[14] Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.

I also like to include verse 14 because it makes it very clear that Jesus paid for me! I am His possession!

The word Adopted signifies that I am adopted into God's family because of my profession of faith.
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour on December 8,1992 and that is why the date is at the bottom.
Romans 8:15
[15] For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
[16] The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

About the experience!


While I was having the tattoo done at first it was like, YEP, it hurts but not real bad. I can handle it for 2 hours.
It seemed like it had been a while so I looked at my watch... 15 minutes! That's it.. it was going to be a long hour and 45 minutes before this was over!!!
YES IT HURST....
More time passes... I was talking to Robin and Bill who were with me.. They kept asking me how I was doing and I was like, " I am OK"
At that point I stated, " He is about done with the outline, right?"
Jimmy, the guy working on my tattoo, said "NOPE, not even close!"
So after about 45 min I was finally getting used to the level of pain I was like' OKAY... half way there! I can do this.

During the first half I was thinking about how Jesus took my whippin for my sin and how this pain does not compare to the pain Jesus suffered for me on His Crucifixion day so I could spend eternity with Him!
He PAID for my Adoption! So every time I felt like it was too much pain I was reminded of God's Love for me - John 3:16
[16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believer in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

When Jimmy started filling in the colors ... that was when I was like "WOW".. Now that HURTS... I just kept telling myself, "IT IS WORTH THE PAIN"
Again I say.. The pain I was experiencing was NO WHERE, NO WHERE near the pain and suffering Jesus took on for me.

I do wonder this though:
Did Jesus see us every time he was struck with the whips, chains & what ever else they did to Him?
Did He say every time, "IT IS WORTH THE PAIN"?
When the roman soldiers nailed Him to the cross did my Jesus say, "YOU ARE WORTH THE PAIN CAROLYN JOHNSTON!"?
When God sent Him to walk this path of destruction, was He motivated by His desire to please and glorify His Father which is in Heaven?

I have to say that this has been an inspirational experience for me.
I am inspired today, even when things hurt or get so hard to press on!!!
Philippians 3:14
[14] I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

When my path gets tough I have to press on, I have to he mindful of all the Orphans who have not yet been Adopted into God's family!


WORTH IT!!!

Breaking Down Walls

As I continue to prepare for this trip I know that I have built up walls over the years, walls to children. I had to. I love them so easily and as many have been taken from my life for various reasons it has tore my heart in two every time.
I know for God to be able to use me to Love these children with the Love of Jesus with my arms and heart wide open just like Jesus would, I have to surrender those walls to Him.
This song by Jimmie Needham resonates in my mind as I realize what has to happen. Am I ready for the HURRICANE?
Jesus prepare my heart for the walls to come down and let the children, YOUR children in!
Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.


Lyrics to Hurricane :
I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

CHORUS
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

(Chorus)

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

I Can Not Contain It All Inside!

I feel like this little Buck Eye and there is so much inside just waiting to EXPLODE!!


So much is happening right now I am working on a letter to condense it all (previous entry) but I have to note some things that happened yesterday.
I was posed with a question:

WHAT AM I WILLING TO SACRIFICE TO DO WHAT GOD IS CALLING ME TO DO?
As I laid in bed thinking about this question I think I have already sacrificed my desires for His in my life.
However there are two children the Lord has blessed me with along this journey and God is asking me to sacrifice them so He can bring me MORE than I ever dreamed of!!! It broke my heart to think of walking away from them and not being a constant part of their lives but through the tears my Heavenly Father reminded that when Abraham took Isaac to the alter to make that sacrifice God spared Isaac and God Himself provided a sacrifice...The Ram caught in the thicket.....
First He brought to my mind the fact that He also sacrificed His Son! Willingly....
And this morning as I journal all these thoughts I believe God Himself will provide the sacrifice, but what will it be that He asks of me to put on the Alter.!!! Because see...God provides the sacrifice but I have to put it on the Alter!!!


I search my heart as I have done many times in the past 17 years, to see what I love so much that I wouldn't lay it down if God asked me to. Possessions mean nothing to me, although I do like having stuff but it is just that...stuff...I enjoy shopping but I don't have to do it. I think these things are easy to lay down.

When I think of the title of my letter I am working on, "EXTREME SURRENDER" I know I have to lay down my flesh, sacrifice sleep, I have to be more disciplined in my diet and exercise than ever in my life. When I recall one of the defining revelations to making the decisions to move forward with the Hysterectomy in 2008 I recall the one thing that continually came to mind during that, "I need to be fit for the Masters use," not just to be healthy...all though it is important...but more important.... Romans 12:1.



I know this is a unique battle and God has been preparing me for this my whole life. I found this verse and I love it!

1Ch 12:8 And of the Gadites there separated themselves unto David into the hold to the wilderness men of might, and men of war fit for the battle, that could handle shield and buckler, whose faces were like the faces of lions, and were as swift as the roes upon the mountains;

One thing I have been saying to myself all day yesterday as everything continues to rain down on me is that, it's OK, it is so much and I don't know what to do with it all right now but it's OK. Lord don't stop speaking to me!

I say that because a few years ago God was speaking so much and I got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore so at that time I asked him to stop because I was overwhelmed. About a year ago in October I asked the Lord to re-open that door and I BEGGED Him to speak to me that way again... I knew in order to continue grow spiritually I HAD TO HEAR FROM GOD IN THAT WAY AGAIN. In March of last year God told me to PREPARE FOR RAIN. The flood gates are open and the RAIN IS POURING DOWN!

I now understand that all He brings to my heart and mind will never be able to contained on paper because just like the world can not contain all that Jesus did.
GOD IS HUGE!!!! I am asking the Lord to filter me and only allow me to put on paper what He wants the world to know about Him and His work!!!

Extreme Surrender

This phrase has captured my attention in light of all the Lord has poured over me this weekend!!!

In order to paint a complete picture of the work of my Heavenly Father I have to start this entry explaining events that began about 18 years ago!

I am not positive of the year BUT it was very shortly before Bill and I married in 1992. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and Poly Cystic Ovarian syndrome (PCOS).
I was 17 years old and over the following 17 years Bill and I fought the battle of Infertility. During this battle we have encountered the casualties of; one Ectopic Pregnancy at(pregnancy/fetus outside the fallopian tube) and one miscarriage.
The Lord has grown me and strengthened me SO much through these EXTREMELY difficult battles. He is my ROCK and I KNOW He will get me through ANYTHING!!!

That is the short version of my journey. You have to at least know what I have outlined to understand the depth of what I am about to say!

Through a series of events in the beginning of 2007 the end of our battle with Infertility would come to and end!!!
I was scheduled for a complete Hysterectomy in April of 2008! I was so relieved....the battle was over...!!!
Two months after my surgery my best friend, Amy Hayward, went on a mission trip to Peru with a group to an Orphanage to minister to their physical and spiritual needs.
I didn't really give it much thought at the time as far as how incredible it was that she was going to be spending time with ORPHANS!
When she returned and shared the events that took place while she was there, it was all too much for my heart to take! I said, " I could never go there!! My heart could not take it."

Two months ago one morning as I drove to work I started thinking about Peru.....for a while I just allowed the meditation to continue...then I said to myself..." I can't do that..."
Bill and I had been talking about how we were SERIOUS about paying off the rest of our debt in 2009 so we would not be bound to it and be FREE to do WHAT EVER the Lord would ask us to do.
Over the months I had been spending my spare time looking over our calendar for the upcoming year and comparing it to our church events to see where we could plug into what God is doing there.
I can't recall the exact timing but I think that fist occurrence of thought about Peru was around October or November... I wish I had written it down...
Off and on over the next few months Peru would come to my mind and as fast as it came I pushed it away....I just knew that IF God was calling me to go there it would not be until 2010 because WE have a plan for 2009!!!

I don't even know how to begin recalling all the events that have taken place the last two days....
OK here goes.....
Amy left for Jamaica today and all this week I kept thinking about Peru.. WHAT THE HECK!!!
(sorry if that was offensive but that is exactly what I said to myself)
I hadn't said anything to ANYONE.... about any of these instances...in retrospect I was ignoring Gods call...
I couldn't take it anymore...I decided to start asking some questions to see if PERU could fit into MY calendar...
I arrived Amy's house on Saturday evening to help her finish getting ready for Jamaica.
I couldn't contain myself anymore.....so I proceed to inquire...."Hey Homey, when is the Peru trip?" She replies, " JUNE" I thought to my self "nope that doesn't fit into MY calendar!" I still couldn't completely dismiss it...
Amy comes out of her room and I said, "Sooooo.....how much is the Peru trip?" Her reply, " I think it's around $1,600.00" and Immediately....she gets this bright glow on her smiling face and says, "ARE YOU GOING?"
Just as immediately as she asked the question I answered,"Well.... I was praying about it but I didn't think it was that much, sorry it doesn't fit into OUR budget for 2009."
I STILL COULD NOT DISMISS THIS THOUGHT...... Uhhhhgggggg....

Dinner time brought us all around the table...Jerin, Val, Robin, Amy and I....
I told them that I had not even talked to Bill about this...maybe I should tell him what has been going on in my mind and see what he says about it...I asked them all not to say anything to him until I could talk to him.

I don't even remember how or when Robin caught on to what I was talking about but she says, " I am thinking about going too!" I was like,"ARE YOU SERIOUS! NO WAY..."

Here it is Sunday...EARLY.... We are at the airport watching the Jamaica team do their thing and getting their bags checked in....
Going to see friends off on mission trips or anywhere for that matter...ALWAYS makes me want to GO..... I love to travel....and even more I love to share Jesus...

I went with Susan, one of the Team Leaders, to her car and guess what we talked about....Oh yes...MISSION TRIPS....and traveling...
Susan asked me if I had ever been on a trip and I got to share with her that I got to go on a mission to Africa in 2006!!! I asked her why she and Mike were not going on this trip?
(below:
Simply, it was not God's plan this time. Susan continued to share with me that they were going to Peru in June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately got excited and started telling her what God was doing in my life concerning that Peru trip..... The conversation was so so sweet...I was having such a great time hanging around these people and just loving on them... My spirit had been so blessed I was full....full of the Joy of the Lord!!!!
Honestly it has been some time since my Joy has been full... and I was sucking everything up!!!!

I was running on pure adrenalin and caffeine!!!! Robin, Val and I stayed to see the team get on the plane. After that we met Bill and Jerin for breakfast in Lees Summit.
I was about to explode with excitement and the caffeine only intensified my excitement....
Earlier on the phone I commented to Bill that I was drunk on coffee...!! He told me to stop that and get drunk in the Spirit!!!!

Finally breakfast.....at some point during our meal I told Bill what I had been thinking about.... and that I needed him to make sense of it for me because I just knew it wasn't in OUR PLAN for 2009.....
Bill asked me a question!!!! I think it was something like, "Do you think it's in God's budget?"
My response was instant.... "Well....yeah...God can....He owns the cattle on a thousand hills!!!"

And so that was it....he said I was going....this year...!!!!!!!! That is in 5 months...!!!!


Just before we left breakfast to head to church I got a text message from Amy saying they were in Houston. I immediately tex her back to tell her the news!!! She has been in Jamaica all week and I have no idea if she got the text or not and it is killing me to know if she got it or not!!!! Of all my friends and family....I know she will understand my heart!

As soon as I sent that text message the attacks started....the enemy was bringing thought to my mind like:
• Did I make a rash decision?
• Is this really from God?
• Maybe this is a mistake...
Those were my consuming thoughts as we drove to Church that morning...everything had happened so fast...or so it seemed to me... God had been speaking to me about this for several months I just wasn't listening..
While in Sunday school that morning I decided I better take my own advice....and "ACKNOWLEDGE HIM IN ALL MY WAYS SO HE CAN DIRECT MY PATH!!!"
Just this past Saturday the Lord allowed me the opportunity to share my first mission trip experience with a small group of women, of which one of them was going on their first trip.
While I recalled all the things God had overcome for me through that trip My Heavenly Father gently reminded me that He is in this and He CALLED me....
With that revelation I immediately began my own study there in class...I wanted to see what the Bible said about that word, "CALLED" the Lord led me to:
1 Corinthians 7:20-24
1Co 7:20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.
1Co 7:21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.
1Co 7:22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant.
1Co 7:23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.
1Co 7:24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

At that time I believe God was confirming that He had called me and He had called me to serve in Peru this year.
The flood gate was now open and I could hear the Voice of God so clear...as I was writing down all the Lord was saying to me and I heard Randy (he was teaching the class) say something about the need for missionaries and if people would just get off their rear and GO..... I thought "did he just say that for real?"
So OK this is really happening...I started thinking about the depth of what was about to take place in the next 5 months and during this new adventure!!! One thing God continued to bring to my heart was that great old Hymn "NO TURNING BACK". Honestly I don't even know all the words to that song but that verse was ringing out in my heart.
I can't even recall everything Randy said that morning that was overwhelming confirmation of what God was doing!

I was beginning to fear what my pastor was going to say about this because we just recently joined this new church but we live about an hour away and have been praying about how to get involved there and really until we are in the community we are at a standstill.
Brian has been going through Galatians and highlighting that we have LIBERTY in Christ. Again for the whole hour that message was being preached it was all at me...over and over and over God was confirming that it is OK and He called me to serve in this Orphanage in Peru.
I couldn't wait to go up to the alter and lay it all down... I needed to make a public surrender in front of my brothers and sisters so that I would not give into that voice of the enemy telling me to turn back.
As I pored out my heart on that alter I told my Heavenly Father that my flesh wanted no part of this mission, my heart can not take it.... I know my heart and I know it wants to give every child a home and a loving family....and my Heavenly Father spoke to me in that moment and assured me that this will be difficult indeed, BUT, I will not allow any pain to come to you that is not good for you!

Family and Friends, Brothers and Sisters in Christ I need your prayers in and through this journey. As I lay in bed on that night pondering all the Lord was telling me and looking back on the last 17 years of my life I see so many pieces of this puzzle coming together.
My flesh wants nothing more than to have a family. One scripture God gave me a few years ago as I was struggling in this area is in
Isaiah 54:1-3
Isa 54:1 Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
Isa 54:2 Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;
Isa 54:3 For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.
When God showed me this it was like He was saying He is going to give me so many children my house will not be able to contain it.
While I think on this in relation to this trip I wonder if this is not just the beginning of something HUGE in our lives!!!!

I chose the title for my story as I did because I believe that is what God is asking of me right now. God has to get my body, soul and spirit ready for the rest of my life and in order for that to happen I need to be EXTREME in my surrender. Denying my flesh and bringing it into subjection...Yet while maintaining balance.
Pro 11:1 A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight

Please walk this adventure with me! God wants nothing more than to be Glorified. I need accountability. He chose you to come with me too...
I will keep my blog page updated with all that God is doing as often as I can.
www.carolynjohnston.blogspot.com
Prayer Requests:
• Daily- Proper Perspective
• Daily- Proper Priorities
• Daily- Acknowledge Him in all my ways
• Daily- Listen for His direction
• Daily- Watch my tongue let it only be blessing and not cursing
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

• Daily- walk in the Spirit

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
• Daily wash in His Word
• Daily- The Lord give me discernment between His voice and the voice of the enemy

The Voice of Truth

This is an Excerpt from "Running on Empty" by Fil Anderson:

"I am learning to recognize that when there's not time for solitude and silence, my activity ceases to be effective. Without listening for that voice in the thin silence, my ministry activity lacks power. Without silence, my words lose meaning. When solitude and silence are absent from my life, the best of my intentions warp badly."

"Be alone, be quiet, enter into the place of prayer. Listen to your soul, listen to the conversation between you and God"

Dear Fiends,
These are all areas I know are true... In my recent walk with my Heavenly Father I know and can testify to His voice in the stillness and in the quiet....
Over the past 8 months I have physically been forced to be still..... I have learned to enjoy the quiet and still times....and through it I have heard the Voice of God... and it is so sweet...
I love you my friends and pray you will hear His Voice in the stillness also.
If any of you struggle with hearing His voice this is a great book... I am just half way through it and it is really getting into the meat of the subject.... I highly recomend it...!!!

THE RAIN HAS COME...AND IT'S A FLOOD...STAY TUNED FOR MORE DETAILS IN THE COMING MONTHS!