I feel like this little Buck Eye and there is so much inside just waiting to EXPLODE!!
So much is happening right now I am working on a letter to condense it all (previous entry) but I have to note some things that happened yesterday.
I was posed with a question:
WHAT AM I WILLING TO SACRIFICE TO DO WHAT GOD IS CALLING ME TO DO?
As I laid in bed thinking about this question I think I have already sacrificed my desires for His in my life.
However there are two children the Lord has blessed me with along this journey and God is asking me to sacrifice them so He can bring me MORE than I ever dreamed of!!! It broke my heart to think of walking away from them and not being a constant part of their lives but through the tears my Heavenly Father reminded that when Abraham took Isaac to the alter to make that sacrifice God spared Isaac and God Himself provided a sacrifice...The Ram caught in the thicket.....
First He brought to my mind the fact that He also sacrificed His Son! Willingly....
And this morning as I journal all these thoughts I believe God Himself will provide the sacrifice, but what will it be that He asks of me to put on the Alter.!!! Because see...God provides the sacrifice but I have to put it on the Alter!!!
I search my heart as I have done many times in the past 17 years, to see what I love so much that I wouldn't lay it down if God asked me to. Possessions mean nothing to me, although I do like having stuff but it is just that...stuff...I enjoy shopping but I don't have to do it. I think these things are easy to lay down.
When I think of the title of my letter I am working on, "EXTREME SURRENDER" I know I have to lay down my flesh, sacrifice sleep, I have to be more disciplined in my diet and exercise than ever in my life. When I recall one of the defining revelations to making the decisions to move forward with the Hysterectomy in 2008 I recall the one thing that continually came to mind during that, "I need to be fit for the Masters use," not just to be healthy...all though it is important...but more important.... Romans 12:1.
I know this is a unique battle and God has been preparing me for this my whole life. I found this verse and I love it!
1Ch 12:8 And of the Gadites there separated themselves unto David into the hold to the wilderness men of might, and men of war fit for the battle, that could handle shield and buckler, whose faces were like the faces of lions, and were as swift as the roes upon the mountains;
One thing I have been saying to myself all day yesterday as everything continues to rain down on me is that, it's OK, it is so much and I don't know what to do with it all right now but it's OK. Lord don't stop speaking to me!
I say that because a few years ago God was speaking so much and I got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore so at that time I asked him to stop because I was overwhelmed. About a year ago in October I asked the Lord to re-open that door and I BEGGED Him to speak to me that way again... I knew in order to continue grow spiritually I HAD TO HEAR FROM GOD IN THAT WAY AGAIN. In March of last year God told me to PREPARE FOR RAIN. The flood gates are open and the RAIN IS POURING DOWN!
I now understand that all He brings to my heart and mind will never be able to contained on paper because just like the world can not contain all that Jesus did.
GOD IS HUGE!!!! I am asking the Lord to filter me and only allow me to put on paper what He wants the world to know about Him and His work!!!
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