Extreme Surrender

This phrase has captured my attention in light of all the Lord has poured over me this weekend!!!

In order to paint a complete picture of the work of my Heavenly Father I have to start this entry explaining events that began about 18 years ago!

I am not positive of the year BUT it was very shortly before Bill and I married in 1992. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and Poly Cystic Ovarian syndrome (PCOS).
I was 17 years old and over the following 17 years Bill and I fought the battle of Infertility. During this battle we have encountered the casualties of; one Ectopic Pregnancy at(pregnancy/fetus outside the fallopian tube) and one miscarriage.
The Lord has grown me and strengthened me SO much through these EXTREMELY difficult battles. He is my ROCK and I KNOW He will get me through ANYTHING!!!

That is the short version of my journey. You have to at least know what I have outlined to understand the depth of what I am about to say!

Through a series of events in the beginning of 2007 the end of our battle with Infertility would come to and end!!!
I was scheduled for a complete Hysterectomy in April of 2008! I was so relieved....the battle was over...!!!
Two months after my surgery my best friend, Amy Hayward, went on a mission trip to Peru with a group to an Orphanage to minister to their physical and spiritual needs.
I didn't really give it much thought at the time as far as how incredible it was that she was going to be spending time with ORPHANS!
When she returned and shared the events that took place while she was there, it was all too much for my heart to take! I said, " I could never go there!! My heart could not take it."

Two months ago one morning as I drove to work I started thinking about Peru.....for a while I just allowed the meditation to continue...then I said to myself..." I can't do that..."
Bill and I had been talking about how we were SERIOUS about paying off the rest of our debt in 2009 so we would not be bound to it and be FREE to do WHAT EVER the Lord would ask us to do.
Over the months I had been spending my spare time looking over our calendar for the upcoming year and comparing it to our church events to see where we could plug into what God is doing there.
I can't recall the exact timing but I think that fist occurrence of thought about Peru was around October or November... I wish I had written it down...
Off and on over the next few months Peru would come to my mind and as fast as it came I pushed it away....I just knew that IF God was calling me to go there it would not be until 2010 because WE have a plan for 2009!!!

I don't even know how to begin recalling all the events that have taken place the last two days....
OK here goes.....
Amy left for Jamaica today and all this week I kept thinking about Peru.. WHAT THE HECK!!!
(sorry if that was offensive but that is exactly what I said to myself)
I hadn't said anything to ANYONE.... about any of these instances...in retrospect I was ignoring Gods call...
I couldn't take it anymore...I decided to start asking some questions to see if PERU could fit into MY calendar...
I arrived Amy's house on Saturday evening to help her finish getting ready for Jamaica.
I couldn't contain myself anymore.....so I proceed to inquire...."Hey Homey, when is the Peru trip?" She replies, " JUNE" I thought to my self "nope that doesn't fit into MY calendar!" I still couldn't completely dismiss it...
Amy comes out of her room and I said, "Sooooo.....how much is the Peru trip?" Her reply, " I think it's around $1,600.00" and Immediately....she gets this bright glow on her smiling face and says, "ARE YOU GOING?"
Just as immediately as she asked the question I answered,"Well.... I was praying about it but I didn't think it was that much, sorry it doesn't fit into OUR budget for 2009."
I STILL COULD NOT DISMISS THIS THOUGHT...... Uhhhhgggggg....

Dinner time brought us all around the table...Jerin, Val, Robin, Amy and I....
I told them that I had not even talked to Bill about this...maybe I should tell him what has been going on in my mind and see what he says about it...I asked them all not to say anything to him until I could talk to him.

I don't even remember how or when Robin caught on to what I was talking about but she says, " I am thinking about going too!" I was like,"ARE YOU SERIOUS! NO WAY..."

Here it is Sunday...EARLY.... We are at the airport watching the Jamaica team do their thing and getting their bags checked in....
Going to see friends off on mission trips or anywhere for that matter...ALWAYS makes me want to GO..... I love to travel....and even more I love to share Jesus...

I went with Susan, one of the Team Leaders, to her car and guess what we talked about....Oh yes...MISSION TRIPS....and traveling...
Susan asked me if I had ever been on a trip and I got to share with her that I got to go on a mission to Africa in 2006!!! I asked her why she and Mike were not going on this trip?
(below:
Simply, it was not God's plan this time. Susan continued to share with me that they were going to Peru in June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately got excited and started telling her what God was doing in my life concerning that Peru trip..... The conversation was so so sweet...I was having such a great time hanging around these people and just loving on them... My spirit had been so blessed I was full....full of the Joy of the Lord!!!!
Honestly it has been some time since my Joy has been full... and I was sucking everything up!!!!

I was running on pure adrenalin and caffeine!!!! Robin, Val and I stayed to see the team get on the plane. After that we met Bill and Jerin for breakfast in Lees Summit.
I was about to explode with excitement and the caffeine only intensified my excitement....
Earlier on the phone I commented to Bill that I was drunk on coffee...!! He told me to stop that and get drunk in the Spirit!!!!

Finally breakfast.....at some point during our meal I told Bill what I had been thinking about.... and that I needed him to make sense of it for me because I just knew it wasn't in OUR PLAN for 2009.....
Bill asked me a question!!!! I think it was something like, "Do you think it's in God's budget?"
My response was instant.... "Well....yeah...God can....He owns the cattle on a thousand hills!!!"

And so that was it....he said I was going....this year...!!!!!!!! That is in 5 months...!!!!


Just before we left breakfast to head to church I got a text message from Amy saying they were in Houston. I immediately tex her back to tell her the news!!! She has been in Jamaica all week and I have no idea if she got the text or not and it is killing me to know if she got it or not!!!! Of all my friends and family....I know she will understand my heart!

As soon as I sent that text message the attacks started....the enemy was bringing thought to my mind like:
• Did I make a rash decision?
• Is this really from God?
• Maybe this is a mistake...
Those were my consuming thoughts as we drove to Church that morning...everything had happened so fast...or so it seemed to me... God had been speaking to me about this for several months I just wasn't listening..
While in Sunday school that morning I decided I better take my own advice....and "ACKNOWLEDGE HIM IN ALL MY WAYS SO HE CAN DIRECT MY PATH!!!"
Just this past Saturday the Lord allowed me the opportunity to share my first mission trip experience with a small group of women, of which one of them was going on their first trip.
While I recalled all the things God had overcome for me through that trip My Heavenly Father gently reminded me that He is in this and He CALLED me....
With that revelation I immediately began my own study there in class...I wanted to see what the Bible said about that word, "CALLED" the Lord led me to:
1 Corinthians 7:20-24
1Co 7:20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.
1Co 7:21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.
1Co 7:22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant.
1Co 7:23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.
1Co 7:24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

At that time I believe God was confirming that He had called me and He had called me to serve in Peru this year.
The flood gate was now open and I could hear the Voice of God so clear...as I was writing down all the Lord was saying to me and I heard Randy (he was teaching the class) say something about the need for missionaries and if people would just get off their rear and GO..... I thought "did he just say that for real?"
So OK this is really happening...I started thinking about the depth of what was about to take place in the next 5 months and during this new adventure!!! One thing God continued to bring to my heart was that great old Hymn "NO TURNING BACK". Honestly I don't even know all the words to that song but that verse was ringing out in my heart.
I can't even recall everything Randy said that morning that was overwhelming confirmation of what God was doing!

I was beginning to fear what my pastor was going to say about this because we just recently joined this new church but we live about an hour away and have been praying about how to get involved there and really until we are in the community we are at a standstill.
Brian has been going through Galatians and highlighting that we have LIBERTY in Christ. Again for the whole hour that message was being preached it was all at me...over and over and over God was confirming that it is OK and He called me to serve in this Orphanage in Peru.
I couldn't wait to go up to the alter and lay it all down... I needed to make a public surrender in front of my brothers and sisters so that I would not give into that voice of the enemy telling me to turn back.
As I pored out my heart on that alter I told my Heavenly Father that my flesh wanted no part of this mission, my heart can not take it.... I know my heart and I know it wants to give every child a home and a loving family....and my Heavenly Father spoke to me in that moment and assured me that this will be difficult indeed, BUT, I will not allow any pain to come to you that is not good for you!

Family and Friends, Brothers and Sisters in Christ I need your prayers in and through this journey. As I lay in bed on that night pondering all the Lord was telling me and looking back on the last 17 years of my life I see so many pieces of this puzzle coming together.
My flesh wants nothing more than to have a family. One scripture God gave me a few years ago as I was struggling in this area is in
Isaiah 54:1-3
Isa 54:1 Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
Isa 54:2 Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;
Isa 54:3 For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.
When God showed me this it was like He was saying He is going to give me so many children my house will not be able to contain it.
While I think on this in relation to this trip I wonder if this is not just the beginning of something HUGE in our lives!!!!

I chose the title for my story as I did because I believe that is what God is asking of me right now. God has to get my body, soul and spirit ready for the rest of my life and in order for that to happen I need to be EXTREME in my surrender. Denying my flesh and bringing it into subjection...Yet while maintaining balance.
Pro 11:1 A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight

Please walk this adventure with me! God wants nothing more than to be Glorified. I need accountability. He chose you to come with me too...
I will keep my blog page updated with all that God is doing as often as I can.
www.carolynjohnston.blogspot.com
Prayer Requests:
• Daily- Proper Perspective
• Daily- Proper Priorities
• Daily- Acknowledge Him in all my ways
• Daily- Listen for His direction
• Daily- Watch my tongue let it only be blessing and not cursing
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

• Daily- walk in the Spirit

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
• Daily wash in His Word
• Daily- The Lord give me discernment between His voice and the voice of the enemy