From HOPE to REALITY

Pondering this...
 On 7-7-11 we signed our licenses as foster parents and requested our names be entered into consideration for the very girls who are sleeping in their beds in OUR house right now... : )
 From hope to reality.
I should have KNOWN at the time we signed those papers that there was no doubt they would be ours... God finished his work of creation on the 7th day, and he gave us '2' 7's for 2 girls!!! Oh me of little faith, how could I have ever doubted! Oh and He rested... we could have been resting all this time in the confidence that God was leading us... we never gave up!
However did considered backing out in the beginning when there was another person who had already petitioned for their adoption and they had even put up thousands of dollars.
We only considered dropping out so they could have a permanent home sooner but we just couldn't let go...something in us was urging to keep on fighting!
I just kept calling and calling and calling-  I think that was my pushing part of this delivery! Pushing paper work, pushing e-mails and phone calls...it was ALL worth it!
SO excited for Thursday, can't sleep for re-living the past year and a half of pursuing God's plan for our lives and here we are.
Wow...just sayin!
Good night now!

The Invisible

Airport junkies! Amy, Robin (Val below) faces that have walked this journey with us for a very long time



WOW, what a journey this continues to be!!! The closer we get to finalizing day the louder I can see God's hand print in this story!

This story is ALL about big J...and her new middle name which I can tell u...
Since that day in June of 2010 on top of that unfinished...unseen... orphanage in Peru; when God shouted to me Psalm 113:9 and asked ME to walk by FAITH! From that moment nothing could change my mind, it was certain, our daughters name would contain FAITH it.

Let me tell you what has happened the last few weeks around here...
Back two weeks before Christmas big J and I were on the subject of fire and she said that it would be so terrible if our house was on fire... I simply stated that "Yes, it would be so terrible"
That night during bed time prayers she says lets pray for Mr Kyle and Mrs Amanda (neighbors)
So I said OK, she goes on to pray.
"Dear Father,
Thank you for mommy and daddy, and Mr Kyle and Mrs Amanda... thank you our house and their house is not on fire, in Jesus name, amen" (something like that and super fast, cuz that's how big J prays, so cute!)
SO... the next day we did all sorts of Christmas shopping and wrapping, then got dressed up for daddy's Christmas party and off we went!
After the party we stopped by  Kelly's house and played with Charlee and her new kitty for a while.
We had left home that day about 530 in the evening and returned home about 10 or 1030 to realize that mommy had left a candle burning near the curtain's ALL DAY LONG and ALL EVENING! The flames were at least 2 inches tall...
Immediately I began to cry, KNOWING it was GOD who put that prayer in the heart of my 4 yr old...just the day before!
Only a miracle kept our house and probably both neighbors houses from burning down that day and right before Christmas... I explained to big J how that God protected us and so we thanked God again that night for saving our homes from fire, mommy thanked and praised the Lord for putting that prayer in J's heart! WOW GOD! We saw the invisible God that day!

Now, this past Friday grandma and grandpa Johnston came to babysit so mommy and daddy could go on date night, oh they had such fun! J says she loves it when we go out and she gets dropped off or gets a sitter over here... not sure how to take that...lol... she is a fun girl and she likes to have lots of fun!
Moving on... J has a prayer box and we put in it several slips of paper with names of family, friends and mission fields and missionaries on them that she gets to draw one out every night to add to her bed time prayers.
She can't read yet so keep that in mind as I tell you the rest of the story...
J takes the box over to daddy, pulls out a prayer and it's for grandma and grandpa Johnston!!! NO KIDDING... I said daddy... did you do that? Daddy said no, no I didn't that's what she pulled out... Mommy said WOW...
There's that invisible God showing up again!

OK... I think God REALLY REALLY wants us to KNOW~KNOW~KNOW, some more that He is all over this story...

Last night J was going around the house singing a line to this song that daddy wrote and  the band "therest" produced, so we put the tunes on and listened to the amazing album, "The Beautiful Gate"  during our bed time snack.
Time for bed, J gets her prayer box and goes to daddy, she pulls out a slip of paper and from the kitchen I hear daddy reading who it is for, "Matt, Ashley and Kaden"
I said, "what did you say" Daddy replied... "Matt, Ashley and Kaden"
For those of you who don't know about the band/group "therest" Matt is the lead singer if this band and Ashley is his wife, Kaden is their son.
Once the band starts traveling, because they will, (Heb 11:1), Bill is/will be their pastor.
WOW... there's that Invisible God again...

Over breakfast this morning I explained to J why her new middle name is going to be FAITH. I started out by bringing to light the events of the last two days with the prayer box, then told her that this is how we know God is here even though we can not SEE HIM we can see what He is doing and that this same faith is what led mommy and daddy to find her and sissy. We followed God's directions until we found you!
She replies, "That's so cool"

Lastly ...today we visited a church and it blessed my heart so much to share the time of praise and worship with her and to look down and see her with both of her arms stretched way up in the air singing, then a little later looked at her as she was imitating holding a microphone, eyes closed just singing away!
To top off this incredible week, Tonight I took J with me, Robin and Val to greet Aunt Amy coming home from her mission trip to Jamaica! Val Robin and I have done this so many many times over the past many years as Amy and each of us have gone all over the world. It was SUCH a blessing to sing praises to the Lord all the way to the airport with MY DAUGHTER and two daughters of my heart.
My heart is bursting tonight as God is very VISIBLE as we continue down this journey of FAITH...
Mommy love you J!
Hebrews 11:1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Funny lil Baby

So, here's a funny story for today!

 Last night baby J was crying so went to check on her to find that she had attempted to take off her jammies. She must have got cold because she wasn't even awake while she was crying. I found her laying on her back un-covered and sipper all the way down!

They are the zip up footy kind, lately she has been practicing the snap and zipper, maybe I should have stopped her but I thought she was doing a good job learning!

So I zipped her back up and snuggled her up, in the dark. Daddy came in to get her back to sleep, by the time I got her put back together she was awake and not happy. Daddy has the gift... baby whisperer!

I really thought this was so funny until this morning... she woke up and we were having our morning snuggle time and during this I noticed my baby didn't smell like my sweet baby especially since having her bath before bed last night... a little later baby J is pulling at her diaper, so mommy investigates... something isn't right here... lets go change that dipe dipe I say to baby J, and off we go to the changing table...

LO AND BEHOLD...she had unfastened one side of her diaper in the attempt to undress herself and I must had not noticed that when I re-dressed her in the dark... so baby and bedding were covered in pee pee, all night long...

Oh what a morning... so we had another bath and washed all the bedding!

I had to laugh...

Now baby will be sleeping in a onezie under her jammies from now on! Smart little stinker will have that figured out next!

Next time I will be checking the diaper! lol Oh and I blame Mema and Papa for the diaper training... she was doing that on a baby doll at their house just the other day!!! ha ha ha

Spinning~Spinning~Spinning

Wow... my head is spinning... don't know what to do first, plan a party or write a story... so many thoughts and memories flooding my mind of these past 14 weeks and of what future looks like.

Bill and I are In our 20th year of marriage...

Went from Peru for the first time in 2009 to the call of adoption in Peru (2010) to parents of two super awesome girls in 2011/2012!
 I never had this planned for my future but... God did... and this is His best for us!
When I remember that these girls are God's best... and God's plan for our life it really makes the hard times much easier to handle and it makes me smile so big on the inside when I look at them... I just love to watch them do what they do... and listen to how they talk and play with their dolls and toys, it gives me insight to how I am doing as a mommy... so funny, Big J likes to try and be Mommy to lil J, and she talks to her like I do... "No no honey" very cute! She tries to give her kisses on her head like I do and lil J just runs from her...
Lil J tries to dress her babies and cook on the stove like mommy. They are just very cute and fun to observe... Is this the way God looks at us??! I think so... I believe it!

God has given us these gifts because they need us, something about us is what God has ordered for their lives and for ours.
I always said I wanted God's best for my life... it's not always what we expect and sometimes we struggle with seeing His hand in it, but oh man... God...  I KNOW... WE KNOW... YOUR HAND IS ALL OVER THIS!
Come on January 26th!!! Lets seal this deal with your promise!
Eph_1:13In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

13 Weeks - Getting REAL...

We made it through Christmas a the New Year celebrations! It has been such a busy, fun and crazy time... lets see if I can recall some highlights from the past 7 weeks since my last post!
We met with the Adoption worker in late November and she said we MIGHT be able to finalize the adoption as early as JANUARY! We are praying for that to happen so we can get middle and last names changed and have a BIG HONKIN party!


Ok so the reality of this major life change... I can't really publish in words some of the things Bill and I have both experienced, the depth and intimacy of emotions and the highs and lows of this are so personal and just can't be shared completely because some things are just meant to be kept between us and the Lord. It is hard for me not to share it all because that's just my personality... lay it all out there, but this isn't just about me, I have two little girls to think about now and some day... they will see this.
Bill and I have really come face to face with our true selves...many times... and came to surrender our lives yet again. I can't say with out a little wrestling. The awesome part of the physical and emotional struggles we have faced these last 13 weeks is this has given us both a deeper appreciation for what our Lord Jesus Christ must have felt and experienced as He was the payment for our Adoption into God's family.
My biggest revelation so far I think is that not always is the price of adoption of a financial cost. When we started down this path of adoption through the Foster Care system we did not know it but the state pays for the majority of all costs as well as pays us (a small amount) to take in these children. The price that we are paying is physical and emotional. In my past I had always had a huge negative outlook on the financial cost of adoption, which I still think is outrageous and ridiculous BUT as I have stated since 2010, God paid the highest price for our Adoption and we can only look at this outrageous cost of adoption as a reflection or glimpse of what it cost God our heavenly Father to Adopt us.


We also know and realize the girls have had the same emotional and physical struggles in their little lives. I am not at all trying to make the focus on Bill and I but I want to remember that it wasn't always easy and for anyone going through this too... I think it is NORMAL to go through these emotions... even depression at moments. We have had to really help each other through these difficult times and talk many things out and keep the lines of communication open. It has been good therapy for all of us to go through these hard times.


For the first several weeks for me... this felt like baby sitting but never ended. I think after my first experience nursing Jo1 through her slight flu... which I hope and pray we never have again!!! Oh the smell.. I know... I know... she was the sick one... but oh the smell... I'm sure it will happen again but I can pray it doesn't!
Anyway I really feel like a mommy now! These are OUR girls and we LOVE LOVE LOVE them with everything that is in us!
I have tried not to think to much about the reason they are even with us, but the more I see the fear and insecurity in Jo1's poor lil face at times I start to get really angry with the birth mother. This poor girl has spent the last 17 months of her life getting shots at the dr every 3 months because she NEVER went to the dr for the first 3 yrs of her life. It makes me SO angry... like tonight we spent 45 minutes taking about taking off her band aids from her last shots on Friday... she cried and cried big huge tears rolling down her face... no no no it hurts mommy...
I never saw a child so terrified of removing a band aid in my life. It breaks my heart... I just sat there trying to help her see that it's just like a sticker. We finally got one off, and daddy had to come help with the other one.
The more I think about how she reacts when she gets her shots the more I get angry again at the birth mother... I try to explain to this 4 yr old that I know she has had to get multiple shots every time she has seen the dr but now that is over for a long time... no more shots until a whole year from now... not that she understands how long that is but trying to teach her not to be afraid of the dr.
I know I would be scared too of I was her but it's my job to make her feel safe and teach her that the dr is there to help us stay healthy and heal us when were sick.


I know the girls will probably not remember most of this part of their life but this will impact them for the rest of their life.


Ok enough of that...
Christmas was super fun! Of coarse we began the season out by putting up more decorations than we EVER have... and as we were getting the lights on the tree Jo1 tells me "I never had Christmas lights before Mommy"
That made me sad that one of the most exciting parts of mine and Bill's childhood was not yet part of her life. It was sweet on the other hand because I confirmed that with the foster mom and so really this year's Christmas was somewhat of a "First Family Christmas" for all of us...

 I finally got brave enough to take both girls shopping all by myself!!! We actually had so much fun, I LOVE shopping with my girls!!!
We had 4 Christmas celebrations, the first was for the Johnston/Murphy side at Jami's house the Sunday before Christmas! The girls had so much fun just playing with all their new cousins! Cousin Charlie is the same age as Jo1 and I think she REALLY like him... hee hee hee... since the first time they met and he took her for a ride in his jeep and gave her some oranges she wants to go see him all the time... they are so cute together, they play together very well.
It was perfect, we had a great spaghetti and meatball dinner (their favorite food!) then some gift opening. I think they each got 3 or 4 gifts, that was perfect, simple and small!
We were all pooped after our first Christmas celebration... Mommy and Daddy were really beginning to push some physical limits. Not complaining but the reality is Bill is over 40 and I am pushing 40, it has been quite the adjustment going from no kids for 19 yrs to these two balls of energy and super excited for the holidays! They LOVE to socialize!
So 1 down and 3 more to go... we did get Christmas cards made... however, they are still sitting on the table... lol... oh yes... they will be going out!

Disappointment... the Martin/Byrd/Johnston celebration on Christmas Eve... Daddy was violently sick and didn't go along with us. I was so disappointed. I know he couldn't help he was sick, BUT IT WAS A FIRST... and there have been a lot of things I have done with the girls by myself and I just wanted share with Bill and enjoy watching them and shooting pics and video. I had this expectation of us doing all of these things together and it didn't happen.
So we went without Daddy and we still had fun and enjoyed the celebration!

Next was Christmas morning at our house : )
We were awake before the girls... waiting... waiting... waiting... for them to WAKE UP!
Finally 9:00 they were awake...
Two little girls were spoiled...spoiled...spoiled with WAY too many presents! We wanted them to get lots though for their first Christmas. We haven't really got them anything since they moved in outside of necessities because we knew this was going to be coming up soon so it was really fun to see them get some fun toys. It only took me 4 hours to put together the Barbie Castle! It's pretty cool and she even let's me play with it some times!
Baby J got this really awesome kitchen... when you set the pan on the burner it sounds like boiling water and the skillet sounds like something is frying, it's so cool! Where was that when I was a kid... ha ha ha!
All season we made sure that Jesus and giving to others was our main focus but we sure had fun with the Santa Claus tradition too!
All the decorations were in preparation to celebrate Jesus birthday and we even made him a PINK cake with PINK icing because big J said... He likes that! Oh and sprinkles too! I love her!

Gonzales/Carpenter/Johnston... Christmas evening... Daddy was still battling his sickness but he was well enough to come along so Mommy was happy!
And again the girls were spoiled some more! Baby J got this dolly makes a kissing noise and says "I Love You" she really loves that dolly, she squeezes her and dances around and around with her! She is so dang cute!

Whew... we made it through... so for new years eve we all stayed home, watched a movie...
ELF... and it was the cutest thing... Big J got her Dora couch out and her and Baby J sat together with their bowls of popcorn and juice cups! They both LOVE the pop corn! Baby J did good until she ran out of pop corn in her bowl... she came over to mommy for a re-fill and sat back down with sissy then again was out of pop corn... thus began the up and down, up and down... she was getting sleepy too!
I thought she did good to make it half way through the movie!
Baby J is growing so fast, she's been getting at least 1-2 new teeth every month and is now getting 3 at once! She just turned 18 months and she thinks she's 4 yrs old! Wants to do everything sissy does but she won't stop putting toys in her mouth... I know it's mostly because she is getting new teeth but we had to come up with the new rule that Big J has to keep her door shut so Baby J can not get to her small toys and choke on them and OH MY GOODNESS... it's so sad... when Baby J wants to play in sissy's room with her and can't... she just cries... then mommy has to go play with Baby J in her room then she's happy again!
Baby J is also getting very clingy, doesn't want anyone to leave her... even cries when company leaves now. So sad but so cute too!
Both girls are still the same weight but getting taller and taller!
Big J tried becoming a bully for a few weeks but I think she now understands that we don't put our hands on other people, and we use our words to get what we want not violence! That was not the call I wanted to get from her pre-school teacher!
She is doing good though... she filled up her first sticker chart for listening and obeying the first time so we went shopping for her own outfit she picked out! She did so good, great taste and she likes the most expensive cloths too... just like mommy... lol!

We got our decorations all down and the house back to the new normal and mommy and daddy are feeling confident that we are all adjusting and getting used to each other and we all know the rules and are going to have a great 2012!
Now we just need to get this finalized so we can stop thinking about what we will do if we lose them.
We try not to think about that because we really do believe these are our girls but we also know anything can still happen so we want that fear behind us and them.  I can't imagine what that would do to them if something crazy like that happened now.
Lord... move the mountain one more time! ...(and Momma wants to post their precious faces everywhere!!!)

Thankful! Week Six

So much happens every week and I think I must remember to log that... and here it is the end of the week and the best thing I can remember is that we have celebrated our first Thanksgiving as a family of four! What a day, 17 adults and 8 children all in our house and dinner was ready almost on time!!! I am a little proud of that!!!

All week Jo1 has been talking about "HER PARTY" (Thanksgiving) she has no idea just how much this party was about her and her lil sis. Bill and I have been telling the girls how thankful we are that they are in our family!

Monday on our way to school this week as we were singing the Zacchaeus song... I ask Jo1 if she knew that God has a BIG plan for her life and she replies, "Yea, Uh-huh...what is it?" I explained to her that I didn't know but we get to spend the rest of her life discovering what it is! She says... OK! She melted my heart once more last Sunday!

Saturday night baby Ja2 was up most of the night and momma was too tired to get us all up and ready for church so the girls and I had our first Sunday School lesson at home while Daddy went to preach the Word to the College class!

I wasn't sure what I was going to tell them about so I was thinking and praying about what we should learn over breakfast and I was looking for something to teach and God said...uhhh HELLO.... how about Zacchaeus! That was the same story I taught for my very first VBS in Peru! I got to tell our girls a little bit more about my trips to Peru and how Aunt Amy was in Peru right now with Miss Laci picking up Laci's forever little girl too.

As we went through the story and the girls colored their pages it was just such a sweet time just to get to tell them how God took me to Peru to help build a home for other children who are waiting for their forever families just like us.

As we came across photos of the orphanage and I explained that this is what mommy helped work on while she was there; Jo1 says to me... “I wanna do that too, and I want to go on the air plane to Peru!" That was it... I had a good cry over that, I said you made mommy cry, she laughed and said, "No I didn't!" and here I am again tearing up. I know she is only 4, but what if that is God's plan for her life, and He did take me all the way to Peru twice to set us on the path to find this little American girl so she could grow up and go serve the orphans of Peru like her forever mommy!

I remember telling Bill in 2009 that whenever we do find our children I want to take them to Peru so they can see where God planted them in our hearts!

I want to get on a plane with her right now and take her there!

She always wants to help me with whatever I am doing even if her favorite show is on. Is this a servant’s heart or is this a typical 4 yr old that wants to be just like mommy and do everything mommy does?

I guess we will see in the years to come...

I think Poor lil baby Ja2 has allergies like me... between her teething and sneezing, her lil nose is all red and runny most of the time. Hope she sleeps well tonight! I know that alarm in my mattress is going to go off as soon as I log off here and get into bed, so we will have some sweet time in the rocking chair again! Although she did act like she wanted me to put her to bed tonight... maybe she will sleep good!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

                                                                                                         

Scene overlooking the unfinished portion of Hannah's in 2010 the moment after God confirmed His calling to Adoption.

The mountain to the right of my camera's view on the same day

Psa 113:9He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Everyone is learning

Today is 5 weeks and were all learning each other pretty well, and my body is adjusting to all the lifting and the spring in my rear that pops me up just about every time it sits down... ha ha ha...
The girls now have their own rooms so nap time is so much smoother the last few days and mommy can do things like journal some memories!
Jo1 loves her stickers so those are great tools for helping us listen the first time! We're doing so well this week, only 1 bad day out of 5 so far!!!
Mommy and Daddy have learned so much about how we really appreciate grace when we mess up so we have been giving much grace to the girls also. The first time I told Jo1 that I was giving her grace she started crying and told me she didn't want to go to grace!!! Lol, Oh it was so hard not to laugh... I explained to her that grace meant that instead of putting her in time our or taking away her sticker for the day that I was not going to do either of those things even though that's what should happen because of her behavior. Now she understands grace, it was kind of a neat teaching moment for both of us!
Both girls have been sick this week so mommy is learning how to nurse little noses and coughs... it's so scary when babies are sick but they seem to pull right through... these girls are real troopers!

This week Ja2 let me rock her to sleep for the first time! She loves her lil feet and tummy rubbed. My heart melted just watching her sleep in my arms, I wanted to hold her all night... looked like a sweet angle.

Both girls love watching mommy in the kitchen & get to help sometimes! They even like to help with the laundry but that doesn't usually help to much we end up with laundry from one end of the house to the other... so funny, then mommy gets to re-fold. This is now  a nap time chore! ; )

Daddy is so sweet with the girls! He took Jo1 on their first special outing last week to get Ice cream then to the Bass Pro Shop to see the BIG HONKIN fish... that's what she likes to call them... hee hee! She got her picture taken with Santa too and told him all about the BIG HONKIN princess castle she's wanting for Christmas... she cracks me up with some of her words... like thirsty that comes out as sirsty  and stirred and skerd . I especially love it when she starts asking WHY... Bill and I love to do it back to her... it's so funny because she really gives us an answer for a while then she goes... You don't say WHY I say WHY!!! It's so funny!
Daddy helps Jo1 be a big girl with her things and has so much fun with Ja2 for bath time, her laugh fills the house and makes me smile while I clean up dinner I hear it, so great! My favorite is still when he does story time and fills in Jo1 name to the story... it's so funny! I hope she's not disappointed in a few years when she learns to ready and finds out her name is not really in the story! LOL!

We had our first official family photo's taken a few weeks ago and our Christmas pics too, they are so good... wish I could post them on here.... it's killing me not being able to share our pics...
We did find out the adoption may be able to get finalized possibly around January so I REALLY hope so! Then we can have a BIG HONKIN party!!!!
I think it's finally settling in with me that this is really our life now, the life I never thought would really happen is here now and all the things I ever dreamed are coming true! These two gifts from the Lord are so precious.