One Chapter Closes and a New One Begins...

Just 4 weeks ago I finally completed  an 8 year project. I began journaling my emotions and feelings after our last miscarriage in 2003, God led me to publish it as a book to help others like myself find healing through honest self evaluation and trusting in God's promises from His Word.

The very day after I sent the final draft to someone for help getting permissions and copyright's taken care of we received "THE CALL!" (October 14th)

Husband Bill was out of the country on his first mission trip in several years so it was me and our two gifts from the Lord! For now we will refer to them as Jo1 and Ja2

Honestly I have to say that single parenting is not the way I had envisioned starting this phase of the process out, but as always, God had other plans.

We knew this could happen while Bill was away but were torn because all parties involved would prefer that both of us were present for this phase as well. Also the 6 month clock would not begin until they were in our care even though we had been selected as their adoptive parents back in September. Bill and I had agreed that if we got the green light that we would just do this because it was becoming to hard on the girls, they were ready for the move!

What was supposed to be our first overnight visit that Friday turned into moving in day! WOW... momma officially has her hands full!!! Praise God for Amy and Kelly who came to help out for that first evening, Mrs Amanda who comes every morning while I take Jo1 to school, Schreibers & Robin who come to play and Nana and Grandpa who graciously attended soccer with me on that first Saturday morning to help with Ja2 while I coached soccer for 4 cute little girls! y huge blessing that day was the free BBQ the church provided for the soccer league... very perfect, hot dog never tasted so good!

Bill was due home on the 19th, so it was single mommy for 5 LONG days. I got so discouraged at times. Between missing Bill terribly and finding myself unable to even enjoy what had just taken place in our lives I was at my breaking point by the end of those 5 days.

It was so great to finally have Bill home!!! The next thing to do was train him on what we had already established... baths bed times, snacks, meal times, school stuff, Dr's all the rules ect...

Crazy first days... it has been 4 weeks now and I do have to say the girls are doing much better and they are typical 1 and 4 yr old girls... I do think PMS starts way before the actual M happens... Just Sayin!!! LOL

Jo1 LOVES attention and snuggling and can't forget PINK and she is sure that she's a princess, mommy loves that too! Ja2 we have learned really likes her lil feet rubbed before bed and her cup of milk helps her sleep through the night.

Just when we thought we had sleep patterns figured out a few weeks ago Ja2 got sick and her sleep was all messed up, then about the time she was better it was daylight savings time, and were just getting adjusted from that and now Jo1 is trying to get sick!!!

And this is our new normal now... 7am wake up get dressed take Jo1 to school, come home take care of breakfast and dress Ja2, play for a while, get our 1030 snack down then it's time to pic up sissy from school, then its home for a little play time and then lunch around 1230 then our nap which we are still working out the issues there. Then it's up around 230 if we even nap... then mommy attempts to do chores or run errands that are needed then it's time to begin the dinner preparations. Yes it takes at least 2 hours to get dinner together in between Mommy... Mommy... Mommy... she took my toy, she pulled my hair, she ...or Mommy I want... I want... I want... and baby Ja2 wanting mommy to hold her while I'm cooking, which can't happen... so she gets all sorts of bent out of shape...

Feels like I am always cooking or trying to get some laundry clean or other general cleaning... everything takes 10 times longer now with the two little ones, slowly I am getting used to it and even tonight I actually was enjoying holding baby Ja2 after she woke from her sleep scared or something... I think she is still adjusting to the new surroundings. I rocked her and rubbed her lil feets and she was so happy and snuggled with me! : )

We're really getting to know their personalities to. Jo1 is very strong willed and likes to be in control so we are really trying to work hard with her on letting us be mommy and daddy taking care of her and giving her areas of independence. She has also just begun falling out of bed at least three nights in a row now... not sure but I think she's out-growing her bed... they are both growing so fast... Ja2 has such a big head I am having to get her cloths 18-24 mo now... poor thing the shirts fit but her pants are too long... still cute though! Lil Ja2 is pretty smart for her age... she knows what the No No's are and she will look at you then go for it while smiling at you... now how do you train her that this is not a game when we say NO! Sometimes we just have to laugh... like the first funny family moment we had was after Daddy came home from Brazil, we were at the dinner table and dad let one rip... I was like REALLY daddy... I tried to hide my laugh as the baby appropriately uses the phrase "Uh-oh!" We all laughed so hard...

Now were trying to find new balance to our new normal and still have lots of family and friends to meet but have to take it slow with them, I think they get insecure when meeting to many new people in a row so please be patient with us as we continue to adjust to the new normal of our 4 member family!

Much love and thanks to all who have been helping and supporting us through the transition... we are so very thankful and know that we could not do this on our own... I have a whole new respect to those single parents who do this all the time. Prayers to them...

We are praying the finalization goes through much sooner than 6 months... and then we can share pics of our lil family! There are many more details to share but not enough time... perhaps another day there will be... until then,,,

Adoption…Redemption…CELEBRATION!!!

Romans 8:15

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

 I recently took part in celebrating with some friends who after 4 long years are now one step closer to getting their little Peruvian Princess and make her part of their forever family through the miracle of adoption!

As I  focus on the amazing celebration taking place my mind is flooded with scriptures from the Word of God that describe for us what happens in Heaven when just one person turns their life over to God and receives the blood of Christ for their redemption. God’s gift of eternal life!

The scene as I enter the house is absolutely a feast and party atmosphere setting, Pink, brown and white balloon bouquets all around, food from wall to wall a room full of gifts for the new addition to the family, a place for guests to leave words of celebration and encouragement, magnets for guests to take home as reminders to pray for the continuing journey, Pictures everywhere of the new addition to the family, ribbons and banners, wall to wall guest to participate!!! What a celebration!

The place was just a glow with excitement and chatter over one little 3 yr old girl who is about to come home for the very first time!

So many days, weeks, months, and years have gone by as this family has waited. The character qualities I think of as I reflect on watching them as they have waited put me in mind of our God.

Our God is described as Patient, Kind, Longsuffering, Passionate seeker, Lover of my soul.

This family has no doubt experienced & displayed some if not all and more of these characteristics as they have long waited for the news, for the ‘’CALL” that this little girl would soon be theirs. Preparations and sleepless nights have surely taken place in anticipation of “THE CALL” month after month, year after year through pushing piles and piles of paper work forward. Sounds and feels a lot like child labor but harder and longer.

How God does long for us to “CALL” His name, and he waits and is longsuffering, waiting for our call to be redeemed by the blood of his Son.

When the time comes and we finally call… the celebration begins… REJOICING is the word used in scripture to describe what takes place. When we rejoice we call everyone we know near and far to celebrate our excitement with us!

That is just what happened on Saturday and I just can’t stop thinking about God’s story of Redemption… His Gift to all mankind to be redeemed by the blood of His OWN son, and while so many reject it, He waits, and waits and holds back his wrath on mankind and he waits and he waits because he is NOT WILLING that any SHOULD perish but that all should come to repentance!

Luk 15:4-10

15:4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

15:5  And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

15:6  And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.

 15:7  I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

15:8  Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 15:9  And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. 15:10  Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

While I continue to observe this magnificent occasion my mind drifts to meditation on the many gifts that were opened… so many lovely gifts for this precious little girl… Everything she could need or want was provided and then some. God said he has given his children gifts, and he said he would provide us food and clothing. What another amazing picture of God’s provision and awesomeness… this puts me in mind of just how much God wants to give us! He has a storehouse FULL of gifts for us, the things we want and so much more, just waiting for us to grow into our gifts so they can be used by him…

I know this goes much deeper and I just can not wrap my mind around it all. God has so much he desires for us to have, he wants to give us much more than we can even contain!

God SO loves YOU! (John 3:16) He is waiting for your call!

God Still Moves Mountains!



Taken in Peru

Move this mountain Lord Jesus!
 Matthew 17:20    “And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you”.

 September 6th we were selected by the state of Missouri (Jackson County) as the adoptive resource for our precious gifts from God.

However... there was a mountain that stood in our way. The mountain was that another petition for their adoption had been filed for these same children. We have been at a standstill for the past few weeks, hoping and praying that this other petition would be dropped. We have been holding onto the fact that our prayers have been answered in ways that continued to lead us to believe that these are our girls. We specifically prayed that we would not make it through the staffing if these were not supposed to be our children, we prayed for God to move in the heart of the leadership and powers that surround this case and turn them whichever way He wanted them to, and they did select us.

Proverbs_21:1  “The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will."
I took that in faith and fully ready to push forward knowing KNOWING that these girls are ours.

As the days have passed and I have struggled with not being able to meet them and begin the transition to their forever home with us I had to once again remind myself that we do not always understand God's ways.
 I even wondered if God is allowing things to come together this way because there is someone out there involved in the case that needs to see His power and His glory revealed.

 September 16th I asked God to move the mountain that was standing between us and our children. Everyone that asked us how things were going we simply requested them to pray for God to move the mountain! (Matthew 17:20) 

 September 21st I surrendered my heart once again, to watch him work. "Today I give my heart again to the Lord that I may see His ways above my own:
Proverbs 23:26 “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways."

September 22nd I received a phone call from the Foster Mom informing me that she/ we got an e-mail saying the adoption was no longer contested, meaning the other petition has been withdrawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOUNTAIN WAS MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 23^rd, we will meet our precious gifts for the very first time! God YOU are Awesome, Powerful, Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth…Mountain Mover!!! GLORY TO YOU FOREVER AND EVER.

Psalm_113:9

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Going to FINALS!

Bill and I had our 'HOLLY WOOD' performance (staffing/Interview) yesterday! We have been selected by the state as the Adoptive resource for the girls! Praise the Lord

One more detoure to overcome, the judge will decide who is the best fit for the girls.

Pro_21:1

"The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will."

May the Lord turn the heart of those in power toward His will for these precious little lambs.

Thank you for all your support and prayers!

We Love you

Got Our Golden Ticket - We're Goin to Hollywood baby!!!!!!

OK, so if you are reading this you are probably thinking, that this girls is C R A Z Y! She ain't no American Idol singer...

Well... that's right... she's not, BUT... she has a story for you!

If you know me at all, or have been following this blog for any time over the last 14 months you know that Bill and I have been going through DFS for our Foster & Adoption licensing, which we finally obtained on July 7th of this year.

On the same day(7-11-11) that we received notice that we were licensed we also received an e-mail looking for an Adoptive home for two Caucasian females. Their ages are 1 & 4, who's names both begin with the letter J! This fits right into the Johnston side of our family! There are many members in Bill's siblings and their children who have stuck with naming their children beginning with 'J'  in their children's, names and not to mention just about all of our family members birthday's land around the same time as these precious babies.

I could get into a lot of details but I will try and not bore you with too many...

Let me tell you this has been a long 7 weeks! We submitted our home study on the 8th of July for consideration for their adoption and were told that we would get an e-mail notifying us IF we were selected.

We were so stoked about this because there are so many things about the case that we just knew God was in it for some reason. At the start we were certain these were OUR girls...

Every since our calling has been confirmed God has placed many Girly things in our path that has led us to continue believing that it will be girls he is bringing us or at least one girl first... so many things,

girl girl girl... everything pink and cute! I even attempted to purchase a gender neutral bedding set, it looked like red and yellow when I was picking it out on the Internet, but when it was delivered... the red's are more like pink than red's... so if we do get a boy in this some how... I hope he is too little to know his bedding has pink dots on it! LOL...

I was begining to lose my faith in the 'girl' pattern about the beginning of June when our profile was changed from just girl placement to either boy or girl, so I started thinking that maybe our first adoption or placement will be a boy then the girl might come later...

So anyway... it was time to go and teach the youth high school girls at church camp... and well.. here's a story in a story...

We make it to our camp destination on this HOT summer afternoon! I'm the cabin leader so I get first dibs on the bunk...

Here I go getting settled in and putting my suitcase under the bed, but wait... it won't fit... what the heck... there's not way this shouldn't fit, there is plenty of room.

I looked at my AWESOME girls... and was like, um There is something under this bed. At that moment I was having flash backs of all the scary movies I ever watched as a kid, I just knew there was a dead body under there!!!! Creepy... so I think I talked one of the girls into getting under there for me and well... we didn't find any dead bodies thank goodness!

We pulled out a beautiful children's blanket fit for a little princess GIRL!!!!!

Now... really, I have been to at least 6 or 8 youth camps and NEVER have I EVER found something under my bed, other than some nasty bugs...

I was just like WOW... God, are you trying to encourage me not to let go of the girl thing just yet... hmmm so again along this path I make a choice, a choice to believe that God is preparing us for girls. First it was this odd pair of booties I found in my back pack when getting ready to come home from Peru last year, then the other set of bootees shown in the second photo that say 'SO LOVED' and now... the precious blanket in the third photo found under my bed. This doesent include the flock of little girls Bill and I see everywhere we go, so if you could just imagine our amazement when we got the profile for the GIRLS... on the very same day we got our license... just sayin! (If your reading this Shawna... that was for you)

I just can not deny the power of God in this and what he has given me in the scriptures, I must keep believing...

Well... all of that being said, I'm sure you are still wondering what this has to do with American idol and Hollywood...  SO here ya go..

First you have to know that I do love me some American Idol, I love music and I really love it when people like Scotty from this years season win! He is too cute, and such a great performer! I'm pretty sure he love Jesus too, and that makes it even more exciting for me!

SO...The way this adoption thing works is the adoption worker on the case collects home studies over a period of weeks (that would be the "try outs") and reads through all of them, then out of those they select 5 canidates.

 I have decided to reffer to this phase of the process, those who get the 'GOLDEN TICKET' those canidates go to the staffing. This is what I like to reffer to as 'HOLLYWOOD"....

I know that just sounds crazy, but when I explain this to people that's the best way I know how to describe it... feels like being on American Idol..  and it's fun too!

So today we got our

GOLDEN TICKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and were going to HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We will be blessed if we are the winners of these two precious girls!

We continue praying for God's will and direction in the next phase. It is most important that these children go to the place that is best for them and if that means our home, then that will be so incredible! We continue to walk by faith...

Really having fun with this...I had to make us our own Golden Ticket hee hee hee!

Obedience Brings Peace

Been feeling increasingly gloomy, grouchy, anxious, impatient and irritably lately... BUT... I found the escape from my gloom!

Over the last 24 hours I hit my limit, my top was ready to blow off and finally I broke. I had to stop everything and sit down and have a talk with God. I poured my entire heart out to the Lord, things only I can say to Him. I felt better after my melt down and was really looking forward to a new day today.
I actually got up and got ready for work on time today. The morning started out pretty good, and as I was driving to work those negative feelings started to come back on me. I was on the edge of tears by the time I got to work and it was one of those moments where you just know if the wrong thing is said to you the tears are gonna break through and there won't be anything you can do to stop the flood!

So I got to my desk and began my morning duties and then... the phone rang... on the other end was my dear friend, my prayer warrior as we have traveled down this adoption road.
She says, "How are you?" I just say, "I'm don OK" she told me that she had been thinking of me and praying for me over the last few days... I shared with her some of how I have been feeling and by the end of our conversation I was in tears and finally... at my breaking point, I couldn't take anymore, something had to give. I have been trying to balance, family, work, ministry keeping my house and this adoption situation.

I hung up the phone and was pondering my life and how I was feeling overwhelmed, I decided that I have to stop listening to everyone and everything else, I need to follow through on my commitment to the Lord in obeying my calling to keep my house (stay home).
SO, I did it, I gave my final notice today 8-18-11, my last day will be 09-01-11!

WOW... I did it, gave all my fears, doubts and what ifs over to the Lord and moved forward with my commitment to be a stay home mom, take care of this home plan meals, help my husband with his ministerial administrative items and finish writing my book and maybe sell some hot sauce.
It is finished... I did it... and after doing it... I noticed that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The waters were calm...the storm had subsided. Obedience had delivered me!



I felt so good, happy again. I KNOW this is right. It's been hard few months with this commitment and transition but I am so confident in this decision now, even more than before. I feel FREE! SO FREE! Thank you Jesus for setting my soul free December 8, 1992 and for using my obedience to set my heart free today! It just feels SO good to do the right thing, I can't get over just how good I feel tonight, at peace and confident in this decision...
I am looking forward to what's next! Trusting God is behind everything working it all out and confident that God is able to overcome what ever reason the system may view my new vocation as not good enough through the adoption process.
GOD YOU ARE GOOD ALL THE TIME!

Philippians_1:6   "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"

Wait…Wait…Wait… & WHAT IF…

As we pursue the adoption of two little girls; ages 1 & 4, I find myself at the cross road of ending my 16 years with my employer & beginning a new career in parenting!

The decision has already been made, I cannot serve two masters the Good Book says in Matthew 6:24 & Luke 16:13. I submitted my official resignation on June 10^th, only to be advised that it would be better for our adoption case if I would continue working until we are selected in an adoption Staffing/Interview. Then I can say that I am planning to give up my career of 16 yrs to be a stay at home mom.

I thought that giving up my career to be a foster parent and adoptive parent would have been a noble thing and respected… Not to mention I KNOW it is in obedience to God’s calling on my life. I KNOW God is pleased.

So… we wait…some more…

 We submitted our name and our home study for consideration in this adoption case on July 8th and we will be waiting until the second week in August before we possibly hear if we have or have not been selected as one of the 5 candidates/applicants for the adoptive resource of these girls…

Bill and I feel so strongly that these are OUR girls; they were meant to be in our home… There are several things that line up with their case that lead us to believe that; we just know this case is directly tied to us for some reason. Perhaps they are not our girls and this is just something to delay us a while longer to direct us to which ever children are ours.

 I keep finding myself fretting over all of the “WHAT IF” scenarios, What IF Bill loses his job, What IF one of us develops a serious illness, What IF we can’t find health insurance with reasonable rates, What IF we don’t even get these girls… the What IF’s play through my mind and then, in the words of my dear friend Robin… “THEN GOD”…   and so… God reminds me that He has got this… He is my provider, and HE is the one who has called me to be a Mother and a keeper of our home 06-10-2010. (Psalm 113:9)

I am reminded that God has NEVER let me down in this life, even in the times I have felt like He did… He DIDN”T!!!  God is and has been behind the scenes of this masterpiece called “The Life of Bill and Carolyn Johnston” and He does see the finished canvas and it looks so much more beautiful than the blobs of paint Bill and I see right now.

Oh thank you Lord for the journey that keeps our eyes seeking you and your path for our lives.

 Lord helps us to be patient for the next brush stroke of your hand, guide our steps at just the right time daily on this journey.